For the funny bone

Three guys go to see a witch doctor about their problems.
One has a smoking problem, one is an alcholic and one is gay but wants to change.
The docter puts a curse on them that if any of them indulge their habits again they will die.
Two days later the alcholic dies because he gave in and had to drink.
The next day the gay guy and the smoker are walking down the street together. The smoker sees a cigarette lying and the ground and stops to stare at it.
The gay guy looked at him and said "if you bend over and pick that up we are both fucked"

What a drag it is getting old...

When I went to the bar tonight, I noticed this old boy about 75-80 years sitting all alone in the corner and he was crying over his cocktail.
I stopped and asked him what was wrong.
He said: "I have a 22 year old lover at home. I met him a month or so ago, right here in this very bar!" He continued; "He makes love to me every morning and then he makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground, brewed coffee."
I said: "Well, then why are you crying?"
He said: "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then he makes love to me half the afternoon."
I said: "Well, so why are you crying?"
He said: "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then he makes love to me until 2:00 am."
said: "Well, for goodness sakes! Why in the world would you be CRYING!"
And he said: "I CAN'T REMEMBER WHERE I LIVE!"

A guy arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find his lover in bed with a young, handsome boy.
Just as he was about to storm out of the house, his lover stopped him with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about:"
"Driving home, I saw this young guy, looking poor and tired, I offered him a ride. He was hungry, so I brought him home and fed him some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator.
His shoes were worn out so I gave him a pair of your shoes you didn't wear because they were out of style.
He was cold so I gave him that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn't suit you.
His trousers were worn out so I gave him a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore.
Then as he was about to leave the house, he paused and asked, 'Is there anything else that your lover doesn't use anymore?'
"And so, here we are!"